What can you say “Nein danke!” to?
“Can I get you anything?” - Nein danke!
“Would you like some more coffee?” - Nein danke!
“Shall we go to the beach today?” - Nein danke!
A couple of months ago I had my parents visiting from Germany. My parents don’t speak English (well, they can, but because they can’t master the language perfectly, they don’t. Perfectionism at its rifest, but that’s a topic for another time).
My partner, who is Australian, does not speak German. So here I am, in the middle, trying to translate language, nuances, cultural differences between my German parents and my Aussie husband.
One phrase that now everyone can say is “nein danke!”, [pronounced: naɪ̯n ˈdaŋkə] -“No thanks!”. Germans have a reputation for being direct and straightforward, without lots of fear of offending. “Nein danke” is a sentence in itself, it states clearly and politely, ‘no thanks’ when you are being offered something. No further explanation needed.
It was quite funny though when my partner started saying “nein danke” in all kinds of situations where “nein danke” just wouldn’t make much sense. And now “nein danke” has found entry not just into my everyday vocab, but also that of my friends, and yes, some of my clients’.
Like the other day when my absolutely beautiful friend told me about the losers she had met on dating apps, such as the guy who rocked up drunk to their first date. A very clear “nein danke!”. Or the over-eager shop assistant approaching my client who really just wanted to browse (and neither talk about her day so far or try on the blouse she had been looking at), “nein danke!” Or being offered freebies in the mall that always end up costing you because the salespeople lure in to buy something or sign up to something. “Nein danke!”
It got me thinking that most of us would do really well with saying “nein danke” more often. As a seasoned people pleaser, I fret if I reject a request, decline an invitation, or simply say ‘no’ for fear of disappointing someone and ultimately losing important connections. So, I often find myself saying “yes”, even though in the back of my mind I know that I, yet again, overcommitted, or over-compromised my own time and needs.
Does this ever happen to you?: I say yes to things and people and parties because I want to go to the event, and I love my work and want to take on yet another project or task, I want to experience and live life to the fullest. And then I realise it’s all getting too much and my “yes” causes me stress. In my gut I can feel that I might have over-stretched myself, taken on too much. That perhaps a “nein danke” could have served me better.
So here's an idea (I am actually testing this out myself):
Next time someone asks you to do something, check in with your body and your mind:
What’s your body telling you? Maybe the funny feeling you are getting in your belly, or your heart starting to beat a bit more quickly might indicate that you are super excited or eager to say ‘Yes’! That’s awesome!
But maybe those same body sensations come along with a thought that says “nooo, you can’t take on even more. You’ve got to say no here”. In that case, maybe those body sensations are signalling a stress response. If that’s the case, why not try “nein danke”?
What can you say “nein danke” to?
Either / any language is fine ;) Let me know how you go!