The “I’ve been so busy” feeling
This morning, as I was trying to quickly work through my emails, prepping for work, and having a quick coffee on the go, I was talking to my friend over What’sApp. We both reflected on how crazy busy our lives are, and how bad we both feel for not being in touch as much as we’d like to. Luckily most of my friends are quite similar workhorses and “get it”.
We talked about how we often feel that we are not giving each area of our lives the attention and love they deserve. We love our work, and we also love our families and friends, want to stay fit and healthy, and would really like to do a nice hobby on a regular basis. But how do you fit it all in?
That constant rushing, trying to do it all “the best I can”, which can then lead to forever spreading ourselves too thin, overworking, not getting any rest and nowhere near enough sleep - and eventually burning out.
I said to my friend that I have been feeling quite stressed, and how ironic that is because what is currently stressing me is getting my course on stress management ready to launch. So I must either be the worst person to be talking about stress management, or the best. “Yes”, she said, “you are very well qualified, because you can relate.”
The thing is, I have always struggled with stress, from when I was really little: I get stressed quickly, and my body reacts very strongly to stress. My skin breaks out in all kinds of ways, my belly plays up, I get bloated, can’t digest my food well, and can’t eat. It’s like all systems go offline. My body then forces me to slow down, and it takes some good rest and self-care to get back on track. When that happens, I need quiet time, and I retreat. I am an introvert after all, the social battery runs out quickly.
So you’d think that having been in this body for the past 42 years, I would have learned and mayyybe not let myself get so stressed? And especially being a psychologist, who “should know” …Yeah, nah!
See, here’s the other thing: I also really love working, being productive, and I have lots and lots of ideas that I want to put into actions; things I want to do, projects I want to work on, people I want to see. That zest for life (as I like to call it) coupled with a huge sense of responsibility and reliability, and throwing in a good dose of perfectionism is a sure way to a massive stress response.
We are all affected by the pressures of our modern lives, and we all get stressed: We have bills to pay, families to take care of, work to do, things to get done. Some of us manage stress better than others, which is due to a range of factors, including genetics, temperament, learned behaviours, early childhood stressors and trauma.
Stress does get a bit of a bad rep, when in actual fact as humans we are very well equipped to manage stress. Generally speaking, that is.
Let me explain:
Stress can be good, too! When we feel “optimally challenged” we are at our most productive. For example, when I had the chat with my friend this morning, that prompted me to write this blog post, and right now I am actually feeling energised, and in “flow”. All systems are ON! I can concentrate well, my fingers are typing away on my laptop, my breathing is normal, I don’t notice my heartrate, everything is “normal”.
Here's a stress curve to illustrate what I mean:
Here’s what happens in your body when you get stressed:
Our body responds to stress by triggering the nervous system, the cardiovascular, endocrine, and immune system. The body releases hormones of adrenaline and cortisol into the bloodstream, which speeds up our heart rate, breathing, metabolism and blood pressure. Our muscles get tense, which is really to put the body on alert.
Our appetite changes too: We might not feel like eating, or we end up eating a lot of crap to get quick energy (think sugary, white, starchy, or greasy foods). Digesting food is not a priority for our bodies in times of stress, which can result in a range of gastrointestinal issues (bloating, tummy aches, or making IBS symptoms worse). Can you relate?
Our cognitive functioning declines, too: We might feel confused, can’t remember things, find it hard to concentrate and making decisions.
When we allow our bodies and minds to rest, our nervous system realises “ah cool, threat is gone, no more danger, I am safe”. Then all other systems (endocrine, cardiovascular, gastrointestinal etc) can go back to baseline. Back to normal.
But this is where things get hairy:
When the stressor does not go away though, and / or we don’t allow ourselves time to rest / not work / get off-screen / engage in a hobby to “refresh”, then we go into “stress overload”, and possibly into burnout, eventually. Without any release, those processes around “fight or flight” don’t switch off, they stay highly activated which can turn into all kinds of bodily symptoms, ranging from stiffness and tightness in neck and shoulders, tension headaches, or tummy and gut troubles, to all kinds of other physical issues.
Need I say more about the need to slow down?
The trouble is, a lot of the time in our fast-paced society slowing down is seen as “lazy”. Everyone else is so busy, how can I not be? And how is it even possible to slow down when you have a massive mortgage to pay, but your job is on the line and you don’t have childcare supports, and all you can do is work – eat – sleep – repeat.
Here is a hint:
When your body is telling you that you are “in the red” (see the stress curve), then you really have to slow down to get back into balance. That doesn’t necessarily mean packing your bags and heading on a three-week holiday (although that can of course be a great way to get a good break. Even setting aside 10mins a day to breathe and calm your nervous system down can make a huge difference to how you feel.
Want to learn how?
Listen to my interview with Prue Bentley on ABC Radio on how you can get started. Or head to my online course, “Keeping the Body in Mind”, where I provide theoretical background and practical ways to help you recognise your body’s and mind’s needs, and how to meet those needs.